To Have Sex or Not

As a reader of romance for many years, I have come upon all kinds. Some have a little sex, some have a lot. Some have eye-burning sex, others have no sex at all, just characters getting into bed, turning the lights out and leaving the rest to the imagination.

When I first began to outline my novel I struggled with the sex question. Could I really write that kind of stuff? What would people think? And if it were to get published would everyone think I was a sex fiend? Some do. ha ha

But as the story came together and the characters played their roles, it was inevitable that sex would be in the story. But what kind of sex would it be?

Would it be sweet and quick, or racy and hot? I think the latter won out as Trey and Layna's attractions grew. There was a chemistry between the two of them that would not be denied.

So how do you write about sex? One would think that it starts around chapter seven when they hop into the bed. But no, your sex should actually begin very early in the story as sexual attraction is mapped. A soft touch here, a look, and frustration at numerous points in the story can build their attraction to one another. The characters will decide when they are ready.

The sex act itself is a little more technical, but don't let it intimidate you as a writer. I have found that by slowing the act down in your mind, and writing it to let readers experience each small pleasure is the best way to write a love scene. Building the anticipation early with the first touch or kiss, until the final climatic conclusion will bring the most satisfaction to readers. You want them to feel what your characters feel. Not just in love making, but in every instance of your story. A lot of this depends on your characters' personalities. You won't find an old prude jumping the bones of the guy across the street in chapter two. Building the characters' personalities into the role in which you lead them takes time and patience.

The art of finding terminology of the body can prove a challenge. You don't want to call them by their scientific names, as this is a romance novel, not a biology manual. And you have to be careful not to go into the cruder descriptions, unless you're writing erotica. Erotica allows you more leeway with your wording than formula romance. And if you write historical romance, you want to keep in mind the wordings of the times in your dialogue.

There were three love scenes in my novel. There is no hard, fast rule that I am aware of which states how many love scenes are acceptable in a novel. You, as the writer, go with your gut and what feels fitting. And as I have found, and perhaps more importantly, is to let the characters lead the way.

"let the characters lead the way." Is there any other way?

My YA Fantasy novels are romances ... but they don't have sex. Although the female and male MCs do sleep together ... but they really do just sleep ... and they do plenty of hugging and kissing.

Though I know for a fact, plenty of YA novels do have sex scenes (as well as drug use and other 'naughty' stuff).

But my adult romances all have at least one sex scene.

Like you, I've read romances that have zilch sex ... up to such ridiculous sex that I quit reading it all together. Not because I was offended ... but because the sex was so outrageous it took so much away from the romance and story ( I am not kidding it involved fruit and vegetables ... )

I didn't know just how much or how little I was going to write. But like you, the characters knew what they wanted. And who was I to interfere in their romance and love life? I just wrote as it happened.

(I'm glad my characters didn't get weird on me when they got to the bedroom .....)

DJS wrote:"let the characters lead the way." Is there any other way?

No, there isn't. =)

Joelle, I read one scene one time that involved lemons. I'll never forget it. It wasn't quite my cup of tea! =) Although some people like that stuff, I suppose.

I'm all over the place with this one! hee hee Some of my characterics are a bit "in your face" and racy, while others are a bit more demure. I let them tell me what their sexual experiences should be. If it feels right when I write it (and when I read it back later), then it generally is right for that particular character (or characterics, since it takes two to tango).

Afinerosesheis wrote: ... But no, your sex should actually begin very early in the story as sexual attraction is mapped. A soft touch here, a look, and frustration at numerous points in the story can build their attraction to one another. The characters will decide when they are ready.

The sex act itself is a little more technical, but don't let it intimidate you as a writer. I have found that by slowing the act down in your mind, and writing it to let readers experience each small pleasure is the best way to write a love scene. Building the anticipation early with the first touch or kiss, until the final climatic conclusion will bring the most satisfaction to readers. You want them to feel what your characters feel. Not just in love making, but in every instance of your story. A lot of this depends on your characters' personalities. You won't find an old prude jumping the bones of the guy across the street in chapter two. Building the characters' personalities into the role in which you lead them takes time and patience.

You know that is so true.
I have read romance novels that had very simple romance scenes that had my heart racing. Because the attraction between the characters was believable and had been built on a foundation from the beginning.

At the same time, I've read them where there just wasn't any "chemistry" and the 'sex scenes', though written in detail just fell flat.

All I know, is that when I write the scenes ... if I don't "feel it", I know my readers won't.

It is a little weird, but in a way, I have to get the hots for my characters. I become my characters and feel what they feel. Really, I have mini-mental romances and affairs with them. If I don't 'fall in love' with them in my fantasies and mind ... the scenes don't work.

I feel that if I can't fall in love with my characters, neither can my readers. When I first realized I was writing a romance, my first thought concerning sex, was, "Oh, my Gosh, what will my dad think!" Then, "What will my boys think?" I started out with a very sweet romance, but eventually my characters developed into more sexual beings, and they wanted more. Once I got past the first revision, I added more sex to their lives, not necessairly jumping into bed, but the idea of jumping into bed, and that it could happen at any time. So, by time they did, I think it was pretty sensual. Since then, I've gotten bolder, and book two shows that. Then I discovered erotic romance, and that, WOW, I really can write it! I'm working on one now, and it's so much fun. I read that erotic romance is more sex than love, but I'm afraid that I can't get to the point where my characters aren't "in" love, and I have to have as much love as sex, probably more. So, maybe it's not classified as an "erotic" romance, but more along the lines of romance with erotica. I believe I will have to use a pen name for my erotic stuff, if it actually comes to be, because I work in a middle school, and there's no way I want their little hands on it!

So, as far as sex is concerned in our love of romance, we'll just have to do what every other write does... Let our characters write their story!

Mary

I write southern fiction, for the most part. Kind of "Fried Green Tomatoes" kind of stuff. So, sex is only a part of the book, and I generally suggest the scene and fade to black.

In the political thriller (just completed with a coauthor), the two of us decided ahead of time just how far we would go. Since we didn't want the sexual content to overshadow the political undercurrent, we decided not to take the scenes into too much detail. One of the hottest scenes in the book revolves around a massage, and it doesn't have any sex at all. Just, builds to it.

I would much rather let the reader use his or her imagination. I'm no prude, by any stretch. I suppose an author has to decide how far they are willing to take scenes.

"I read one scene one time that involved lemons"

Now this has my mind working overtime trying to figure out how exactly the lemons were used!!!!

As to how sex figures in any writing we do - -well -have to agree it has got to be character led - - -and lets face it - -most people find the topic fascinating! I have to say that so far I have written only for children so i havent written any sex acenes at all, but should I leap into the great unknown of writing for adults I wouldnt shy away from it. Then again of course there are sex scenes and sex scenes - -warm romantic encounters between the silk sheets versus brutal non-consensual abuse - -so i would need to consider carefully why I wanted the sex in there.

To have sex or not?

It depends on what you are writing, your purpose, and your audience of course.

I have found that my stories center on human relationships. Since sex is often the scope of such relationships, I may have to touch on sex...

However, the other thing that determines the answer to this question is how you draft the plot and what you use to create suspense. Is it the promise of sex? For most readers that is what keeps them going. So, in such a case, you need to include it.On the other hand, if your tool for creating suspense is not sex but some other conflict or emotion, you may ignore sex altogether, but still manage to keep your readers glued.

So, all in all, whether or not to have sex will be determined by the theme, the purpose of your story, and how you choose to create suspense...

Writing sex into a romance novel is wrong one way and horribly wrong the other way.

Right way: When it just flows easily into the story line, romance most often in a true relationship isn't something beautiful and sex is not the most important aspect of the relationship...

Wrong way: When its sex just for the hell of it, no real addition to the story, used more for shock value. That kind of sex isn't real and certainly not sexy to your readers.